I am:
* Absurdly busy (which means that I haven't much TIME in which to pull my hair out, which is good)
* Suffering from occasional chest pains in addition to my usual bouts of minor hyperventilation (which is bad, obviously)
* Possibly splitting up with my boyfriend of 4 years standing (who was cool about me having hardly any hair - who, indeed, thought my shaven-headed self looked rather cute in a Tank-Girl-ish sort of a fashion) (which is both good and bad in various ways, but which means that any new love-of-my-life will have to have the Trich-subject broached to them - oh not again not again!)
*Doing lots of yoga (which is good because it makes me CALMER - MOST out of my hitherto rather frenetic character!)
*Growing the hair on the back on my head (& OH it's all lovely and soft & I can run my fingers through it BLISS BLISS BLISS!)
*Coming to terms with the way I look - ya, I look pretty much alright without much hair, I'm no monster-freak (at least not outwardly - ha ha) ... I'll do. (:
To round off ... I saw a girl with V little hair a couple of evenings ago at a cafe. I won't be more specific because I don't know her and so I couldn't ask her if I could mention her - so I'm being really vague on purpose. Anyway - she had the sort of hair loss which leaves wispy light hair - which lead me to believe she had probably undergone chemotherapy. And I thought - how brave of her to appear in public with visible hair loss. Then I thought - yes, she is brave, but she has (presumably) cancer, which everyone would agree could not possibly be her fault, which means that from any reasonable person she would elicit sympathy rather than disdain (if anything). I, on the other hand, have a condition that is not so easily explained. My hair loss SHOULD elicit (if anything) sympathy rather than disdain from any reasonable person - but not everyone IS reasonable. Some would argue that I had pulled my own hair out and that pulling one's own hair out is a stupid thing to do and people who do stupid things deserve disdain rather than sympathy blah blah blah. It's ... not entirely the same. PLEASE NOTE: OF COURSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE TRICHOTILLOMANIA THAN CANCER. But ... people's reactions might not be equally non-judgmental/blaming/dismissive etc. So ... it's not quite the same.
I have never been able to find a guy who was fully ok with my hair pulling. I had a boyfriend a few years ago who told me that I was a freak for pulling out my hair and that I needed to stop. I even waited 8 months into the relationship to tell him. He didn't even suspect it until I told him. It's nice to know that there are some guys out there who are ok with it.
ReplyDeleteI have dealt with trich for 20 years now. It started when I was 13. So with that being said, you know that my scalp has some serious scarring goin' on. Do you know how to grow hair on a scar area??
ReplyDeleteWell, I have had trich since I was 9 and now I am 38. I have done many therapies and given up. recently I am psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapy and find it very interesting and have learned more about my behavior than ever before. It's only the beginning and although I predict I may never stop pulling, I may be able to learn self acceptance at least...or something! You happen to be very beautiful, which I am sure you hear (and don't believe)and just keep in mind...it's just hair. Only an idiot would tell you otherwise. People will always judge you, but you are your harshest critic. Be nice to yourself...I understand the suffering. I have been wearing wigs since I was 17. The only good thing I can make if it is...no one has "hair as nice and easy as mine" (the good wigs of course) :)
ReplyDeletePatty bellaruby@aol.com