Calm Down

I had been quite good until this afternoon. By my rather appalling standards I have been quite good full stop. I have created a little space on the right side of my head - just above my right-hand-temple. The pain was - really quite enjoyable, actually. But this is what happens when I stay up when I'm deliciously tired. Today I had a lot of energy. I sang in the street. I crossed my eyes amongst serious people in cafes. I laughed at my own silliness. I laughingly smashed my going-into-town-and-buying-books partner in the torso and was thoroughly amazed when, though smiling, they seemed a little alarmed. An enjoyable day. So now I am all over-excited. I never could get used to bedtimes. And so I have become just a little overwrought. I am still happy - but I can feel my heart pounding (over-used term) in my chest (where else?) and I am trying to breathe in a reasonably decorous manner. Life life life I love you. And all that. But as soon as I start enjoying living you I start to panic just a little - becuase I unfreeze from my detatchedness-of-emotion just a little - and then life gets a little scary. As it does. A small price to pay I suppose. - if you only pull your hair out when you are actually alive, when is the alternative except death (?) so just go steady. Good food. Good books. Lemon cheesecake. Lemonade. All is good. Calm down you silly thing you! You're happy! Live with it.